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Navigating Changing Realities: Life Between the Poles of Bipolar Disorder

  • sarahbeth44
  • Dec 17, 2024
  • 4 min read

Updated: Apr 23

When you’re living with bipolar disorder, the very fabric of what feels like “reality” can shift depending on where you are in your mood cycle. During a heightened phase, the world may seem vibrantly charged—colors brighter, goals suddenly within closer reach, and social interactions effortlessly flowing, almost as if you’ve tapped into a richer, more exhilarating version of life. Yet in a depressed phase, the opposite often takes hold, and the same reality can feel impossibly heavy, the edges of your world dull and suffocating. There’s such intensity in these polarities that it can be difficult to know what’s genuinely true in the long run, and what’s more a reflection of one’s current emotional state. This can shape how you perceive your abilities, your future, your relationships, even your sense of self. You might find yourself making snap decisions during an elevated mood—quitting a job, booking a spontaneous trip, or offering grand gestures—only to feel baffled or ashamed by those same choices when you settle back down to baseline. Conversely, you might withdraw from cherished people or decline opportunities when feeling low, convinced you’ll never have the energy or capacity to meet the moment again.


For partners, this can also be disorienting. It can feel like you’re sharing life with several different versions of the same person: the passionate visionary who’s full of ideas and can’t stop talking about future plans, and the quieter, more fragile one who struggles to see any light at all. It’s important to recognize that neither version is a lie—both are real experiences. Still, reality with bipolar disorder is best understood as fluid. Neither the elevated state nor the depressed one is the whole story. The “truth” of who you are and what’s possible is often somewhere in the middle, lurking beneath the intensity of both poles.


This middle ground can be incredibly challenging to access when you’re caught in the grip of either extreme, so building systems to help you find that balance point can be key. Think of it as creating anchors that remind you who you are and what’s important during times when your emotions might overshadow everything else. For example, you might keep a written record of your values—traits you appreciate about yourself, relationships you cherish, long-term goals that remain important no matter your mood. Reading that record can help you remember that your current outlook, however vivid, is not the sole reality. 


You might also consider setting up a “decision pause” routine: When you feel the urge to make a major life change—whether it’s leaving a long-term commitment or investing in something financially risky—give yourself a structured delay. That could mean waiting 48 hours, or checking in with a trusted friend or professional who understands how moods can distort perception. This isn’t about denying your experience, but about slowing down just enough to let the intensity settle so you can think more clearly.


It can also help to work with your partner to create a shared language around these shifts. You and your partner might plan to check in regularly and identify where you feel you are on your internal “mood map,” using words or phrases you’ve agreed upon. Maybe you say, “I’m feeling the early hints of an ‘up’ mood,” and both of you know that means it’s time to revisit the strategies that keep impulsivity at bay. Or perhaps, “I’m feeling a bit of a dip,” which could lead to considering more gentle routines, like structured social time with people who understand you, or establishing a manageable routine of small tasks and simple pleasures you can rely on, rather than expecting yourself to operate at full capacity.


The goal here isn’t to lock yourself into any particular state, but to gently acknowledge what’s happening and respond in ways that keep you tethered to more stable ground.


Remember that each mood state changes your perception, not your worth. Treat your experience as real but temporary. When you can name what’s happening, you can work with it. Setting consistent reminders, involving trusted loved ones, and having a few go-to routines can help you balance emotional truths with more enduring truths about who you are. This doesn’t always mean you’ll neatly avoid the turmoil, but with practice, you might come to rely on a quieter, more stable sense of self that isn’t swept away by each passing emotional tide.


Your partner’s perspective is crucial, too. They may worry about how much to trust when you’re exuberant or despairing. One thing that can help them is having honest, calm conversations during more neutral moods about what you’d each like to do when a shift occurs. For instance, you could agree that if you’re feeling too high, they might gently remind you of past conversations where you acknowledged how certain decisions were better made after a short pause. If you’re feeling too low, maybe you and your partner have a plan to re-engage in an activity that’s reliably grounding—something small that you’ve both identified as meaningful, like going for a short walk together or making a comforting meal. These are not “cures” or simplistic fixes; they’re supportive measures that acknowledge complexity.


By honoring the full spectrum of your experience—neither dismissing the highs as mania-induced illusions nor accepting the lows as unshakable truths—you can build a richer, more compassionate understanding of what “reality” means when you live with bipolar disorder.


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If this topic resonates with you or you'd like support processing your experiences, I'm here to help. Whether it's this topic or something else on your mind, feel free to reach out. Sometimes talking things through with a professional can help bring clarity and healing. 


Sarahbeth Spasojevich, LPC, MEd, MA, MBA, NCC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Connected Resilience, LLC

For scheduling: (804) 220-0388 (text/phone) 

 
 
 

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